Low Social Status & High Social Anxiety

# Low Social Status & High Social Anxiety For many of us, navigating the social landscape can be challenging. We feel as though we don't measure up, thinking we are less interesting, funny, wealthy, or successful than others. Social anxiety is a widespread challenge, and beneath it often lies a much broader question: What does our place on the social ladder truly mean? Our perceived social status affects not only how we feel in the company of others—it can actually have profound consequences for both our psychological and physical health. ## Comparisons and Social Anxiety Social anxiety is largely about the fear of how we are perceived. Many associate this type of anxiety with the fear of looking foolish in the eyes of others or not being liked. However, the anxiety really stems from a fundamental uncertainty: “What do people actually think of me?” This question can be so consuming that it overshadows the joy of being with others and turns every interaction into an internal competition for acceptance. Yet, it’s important to remind ourselves that we will never get a definitive answer to this question. We can analyze others’ words, body language, or silence, but we can never truly know what is happening in their minds. Nevertheless, we let ourselves be influenced—often much more than we realize. We constantly compare ourselves to others. This is a universal psychological phenomenon well documented in the literature. Susan David, in her book "Emotional Agility," points to how we unconsciously let ourselves be governed by our inner interpretations and emotions, which often leads us toward upward comparisons; we measure ourselves against those we perceive as more successful, more attractive, or more competent. As a result, we often end up feeling small and insufficient, almost regardless of where we actually stand on the social ladder. ## More Than Just Money In fact, studies from health psychology, as presented thoroughly in the book "The Broken Ladder" by Keith Payne, show that social status affects us in far more areas than just our feelings. The book, which draws on a variety of compelling psychological experiments, documents that perceived status—that is, how we feel compared to others—can have stronger health consequences than whether we actually live in objective poverty or wealth. A timely question therefore arises: Why do so many people feel low on the ladder, even when they have everything they need? Statistics show that around 80 percent of those who feel poor are not so by economic standards, but because they compare themselves upwards with people who have more—more money, more friends, higher education, or perhaps just more likes on social media. This phenomenon is exacerbated in societies with increasing economic and social inequality. The visible differences between the top and the bottom grow, making the comparisons even clearer. We enter a vicious cycle where social anxiety increases both at the individual and societal level. Trust between people erodes, we become more suspicious, more stressed, and less happy. Perhaps most seriously is how this kind of social insecurity can undermine both our mental health and the democratic foundations of society. ## Psychosocial Poverty and Health Damage It may seem intuitive that low status can affect self-esteem, but perhaps less obvious is how deep-reaching these consequences can be. The experience of having a low rank—whether this is about finances, social capital, or a sense of recognition—is often called psychosocial poverty. This is not necessarily a reality measured in numbers or external values, but a subjective experience; a feeling of being on the outside, not good enough, not having access to what others have. In "The Broken Ladder," it is discussed how the experience of being low on the ladder triggers chronic stress. This increases the risk of, among other things, cardiovascular diseases, weakened immune systems, depression, and anxiety disorders. From an evolutionary psychology perspective, group belonging has been essential for survival. The feeling of being excluded or of low status therefore activates powerful emotional alarm systems; the body interprets it as a form of life-threatening danger. ## Social Anxiety, Shyness, and Introversion It is important to distinguish between different levels of social discomfort. Being shy is normal—many people are a bit reserved in social situations, especially with unfamiliar people. Furthermore, the concept of introversion has gained wider recognition in recent years. An introvert typically prefers listening over speaking, favors small groups, and often needs time alone to recharge. Susan Cain addresses this explicitly in her book "Quiet," showing that introversion is far from a weakness—many introverts are creative, analytical, and resource-oriented in their own ways. But when shyness or introversion tips over into being bothersome—where one is so concerned with not making a fool of oneself that the flow of conversation is lost—one is on the edge of social anxiety. This is characterized by fear of others’ negative judgments, burning shame, and a constant inner sense of being observed and evaluated. Even seemingly trivial things—how you say hello, how you look, what you say—can cause waves of discomfort and avoidance strategies. ## Social Status in Modern Society Our drive for higher social status is driven by both biological and psychological mechanisms. A human's position in the hierarchy has been crucial for survival throughout evolution, and access to resources, security, and recognition has often been inextricably linked to our status. Today’s society does not feature physical struggles for position, but we compete in much more subtle arenas: education, jobs, housing, appearance—and not least through constant comparison on social media. Social capital—that is, the collective value of our networks, relationships, and influence—is for many perceived as even more important than money. It’s not just your paycheck that determines how comfortably you can move through society; it’s just as much about who you know, whether you’re included, and what respect you have in your surroundings. In periods where inequalities increase, the psychological effects intensify. When a minority becomes increasingly rich—economically, socially, or culturally—the majority is left with a feeling that they can never catch up. This fosters an inner sense of poverty even if, objectively, one has enough. ## The Psychology of Comparison An important psychological point is that comparison is a deeply human reflex. It gives us a kind of reference point, but quickly becomes a manipulator of self-esteem. According to social psychologist Leon Festinger, who introduced the theory of social comparison in the 1950s, we will always compare ourselves with others to assess our own value and competence. The problem arises when these comparisons consistently go toward those who seem to “have it all”: What we interpret as others’ superiority enlarges our own sense of inadequacy. In the past, comparison was limited to one's local surroundings. Today, through digital media, it extends globally. This increases the chance of encountering someone who outshines us in any given area—and we only see their highlight reel, not the whole truth. ## Possible Ways Forward: Less Comparison, More Awareness The question then becomes: How can we untangle this knot? The first key is awareness. By noticing when and how we compare ourselves to others, we can catch automatic negative reactions before they take hold. Often, our discontent is not about real deficiencies—perhaps we were satisfied with our own plants until we saw a friend’s exotic jungle. Nothing has really changed, except the reference point. By questioning our thoughts, whether alone or in conversation with others, we can challenge the notions behind the feeling of not being good enough. It is often about shifting focus from comparison to our own values and sense of mastery. Mindfulness, acceptance, and emotional flexibility are valuable tools to develop this awareness, as Susan David explores in her book. ## Social Belonging – Our Most Powerful Medicine In a world that constantly makes it easier for us to compare ourselves upward, we must consciously choose to turn our gaze inward and outward in new ways. It’s about building close relationships where mutual support and community deliver more than status ever could. When we counteract social anxiety and low self-esteem through connection, we open the door to a more lasting sense of security and joy. Recognizing that social status means a lot to us doesn’t have to be a burden. If we can change how we react to comparisons and, instead, cultivate an experience of belonging, we have taken the first step toward greater freedom from both social anxiety and the feeling of low status. --- **Want to dive deeper into this topic?** This is a topic psychologist Sondre Risholm Liverød discusses further in the podcast episode of the same name. You can find the episode as part of the exercise material at [BeBalanced.ai](https://bebalanced.ai).