Motivation and Growth

# Motivation and Growth As a psychologist, I have long been interested in what drives us, what makes us grow, and what prevents us from living meaningful lives. Many of my reflections build on Abraham Maslow's work, and in this text I will explore his needs theory, the nuances around self-actualization, and how attachment, love, and experience shape our capacity for development. ## Maslow's hierarchy of needs — more than an icon Maslow's theories of human motivation are perhaps best known in the form of a pyramid. At the bottom are physiological needs like food, water, and sleep. Above these are safety needs, then social needs such as belonging and love, followed by esteem needs, and at the top the need for growth and self-actualization. Although this visual representation has become very popular, it's important to remember that Maslow himself never insisted on a rigid pyramid. He described a hierarchy of needs that often functions as a useful model for understanding what people strive for. In his classic presentations Maslow outlined both basic needs and what he later called 'meta-needs' — values and ideals such as truth, beauty, justice, and meaning. These higher needs relate to our capacity for growth, creativity, and transcendent experiences. Two central books in Maslow's authorship are Motivation and Personality (1954) and Toward a Psychology of Being (1968). In these works he highlights how the absence of basic needs not only leads to physical discomfort but also to psychological distress — what he described as neuroses when important emotional needs are neglected. ## Deprivation, neurosis and mental health Maslow argued that deprivation — that is, the experience of lack or neglect — can lead to neurotic symptoms. This can be compared to how a lack of vitamin C causes scurvy; with prolonged lack of safety, belonging, or respect, a person can develop psychological symptoms such as anxiety, depression, or dependency patterns. Maslow's own studies, in which he examined family backgrounds of people with and without neurotic traits, sought to illuminate the link between upbringing and later mental health. There is further strong support in psychological research that early experiences shape our ability to regulate emotions, form relationships, and develop self-esteem. Here Maslow's perspective overlaps with attachment theories from John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. Secure attachment provides a predictable base for exploration, learning, and relationships, and lays the groundwork for moving toward higher needs like self-actualization. ## The role of attachment in adulthood Attachment theory explains how relational patterns developed in childhood follow us into adulthood. Secure attachment means caregivers were generally available and responsive. This gives the child an internal sense of security that later can manifest as self-acceptance, the ability to show vulnerability, and to trust others. Insecure attachments — whether avoidant, ambivalent, or disorganized — often lead adults to be marked by fear of rejection, a need for control, or difficulties with intimacy. These patterns influence which needs become most prominent at any given time: lacking safety and belonging can undermine the possibility of experiencing genuine self-actualization. ## Love: the difference between D-love and B-love Maslow distinguished between two forms of love: D-love (deficiency love) and B-love (being-love). D-love is need-based; it seeks to fill a void. It is often conditional, requires affirmation, and can easily become dependent on external validation. B-love, on the other hand, is characterized by respect, genuine interest in the other's growth, and a kind of altruistic stance. It is less concerned with filling one's own lacks and more oriented toward sharing intimacy and meaning. Many people live large parts of their lives driven by D-love, continually seeking confirmation from the outside world. This can create a pattern where self-worth depends on external reactions, making us vulnerable to rejection and emotional instability. Moving toward B-love is part of the process of personal development: it means building internal stability so you can love more freely, without being driven by constant deficiency. ## Peak experiences and meaningful moments Maslow was also interested in 'peak experiences' — moments when people feel completely uplifted, connected, and clear in their identity. Such experiences can provide deep meaning and renewed energy for self-development. They are often linked to the fulfillment of higher needs: when safety and belonging are in place, we can experience aesthetic, intellectual, or existential peaks. This points to an important insight: growth is not just the cumulative achievement of goals. It includes moments that change our understanding of ourselves and the world. These experiences can be direct sources of motivation because they remind us of what gives life value beyond practical necessity or social recognition. ## Moving up and down the hierarchy — not a straight line A common misunderstanding is to think of Maslow's model as a strict, linear ladder where you complete one level and then climb to the next. Experience shows that people move both up and down depending on context and life events. A period of economic stability may leave more room for creative expression, but illness, loss, or crisis can quickly make physiological and safety needs dominant again. This dynamic understanding is important because it shows that self-actualization is not a goal you lock yourself into; it is a process that requires continuous support from both inner resources and external conditions. Accepting such fluctuations can itself be a source of less shame and more realistic self-understanding. ## How to grow: practical reflections and everyday examples Growth rarely happens through big, dramatic moves alone. Often it's about small, consistent actions: speaking up at work, setting boundaries in close relationships, practicing self-acceptance, or being curious about new ideas and experiences. Here are some approaches that can be useful: - Prioritize basic needs: Ensure good sleep, nutrition, and a safe physical environment. This gives you the energy and mental capacity to work on higher needs. - Work on relationships: Reflect on your relational patterns. Can more secure attachment be built by being more open, predictable, and consistent in close relationships? - Shift focus from external to internal motivation: Practice activities that bring inner joy, not just social status or reward. This can be creative expression, learning, or volunteer work. - Embrace both positive and negative experiences: Growth often requires that we tolerate discomfort. Facing resistance or grief can open the door to new learning and greater emotional flexibility. - Seek peak-like experiences: This doesn't necessarily mean extreme events; it can be a moment of deep connection with another person, an encounter with art, or a nature experience that provides perspective. Everyday example: A person who recently lost their job may experience fear and insecurity that push safety needs to the forefront. Yet by maintaining social connections, seeking new skills, and being open to exploration, they can both cover necessary basic needs and lay the groundwork for a new direction and self-realization. ## Intrinsic motivation and love of life I believe one of the most fruitful paths to lasting growth is developing intrinsic motivation — a love of actively living life. This involves finding activities and relationships that provide meaning independent of external validation. When motivation is internal, we become less vulnerable to external fluctuations and more resilient in the face of adversity. Central to this work is self-esteem. A stable, realistic self-view enables us to tolerate criticism, learn from mistakes, and at the same time set ambitious but realistic goals for personal development. Work on self-esteem is often closely linked to recognizing and repairing early deprivations — precisely what Maslow pointed to as the basis for many neurotic tendencies. ## The relationship between theory and practice Maslow's humanistic perspective offers a framework for understanding human striving. It complements other psychological perspectives: biological needs, cognitive motivational models, and attachment theory. John Bowlby's insights into attachment and Mary Ainsworth's empirical work on children's attachment patterns provide a foundation for understanding how early relationships create basic expectations of safety and support. Combining these perspectives gives a richer picture: we understand both why basic needs must be met for growth to occur and how inner drives and higher ideals can lead us toward a more meaningful life. ## Closing reflection Motivation and growth are not goals you check off once and for all. They are a continuous process, shaped by early experiences, current circumstances, and our capacity to seek meaning beyond immediate lack-satisfaction. By understanding the difference between D-love and B-love, by acknowledging how attachment shapes us, and by being curious about both good and difficult experiences, we can create a life that contains both security and growth. My invitation to you as a reader is to reflect on which needs dominate your life right now — and what small steps you can take to give yourself more of what truly helps you grow. It is through both caring for basic needs and a brave pursuit of what gives meaning that genuine self-actualization can arise. (These reflections are primarily based on Abraham Maslow's theories, described in Motivation and Personality and Toward a Psychology of Being, as well as attachment theory developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth.) --- **Want to dive deeper into this topic?** This is a topic psychologist Sondre Risholm Liverød talks more about in the podcast episode of the same name. You can find the episode as part of the practice materials at [BeBalanced.ai](https://bebalanced.ai).