When Worries Take Over

# When Worries Take Over Worrying and ruminating are part of being human. Our brains are designed to predict, evaluate, and try to protect us. They can simulate the future, relive the past, and connect small signs to big explanations. This ability is often useful: we plan, learn from experience, and avoid real dangers. At the same time, it has a downside. Thoughts can gain a weight that isn’t only about their content but about how long we carry them. Professor Hans M. Nordahl at the Department of Mental Health (NTNU) uses an image I often return to: Imagine holding a glass of water in your hand. Most would say it is light. But if you hold the glass continuously for two hours, it becomes heavy. In the same way, worry or rumination is not necessarily "dangerous" in itself. They become problematic when they persist, take over your attention, and steal energy from the life you are actually meant to live. In this article, I will explore what worry and rumination are, why they persist, and how we can approach them in a way that provides more freedom. A central perspective is metacognition: how we think about our thoughts and what rules we (often unconsciously) follow when dealing with inner turmoil. ## Worry and Rumination: Same Mechanism, Different Temporal Direction It is helpful to distinguish between two related forms of repetitive thinking: - **Worry** is primarily *future-oriented*. It concerns what might go wrong, what could happen, and how you will handle it. - **Rumination** is often *past-oriented*. It revolves around what happened, what you should have done differently, and what this “says” about you. Both can be experienced as attempts at problem-solving. “If I just think enough, I will find the solution.” But often the thinking goes in circles. The result is not clarity, but more uncertainty. The consequences can also vary: - Persistent worry can contribute to **anxiety**, restlessness, and an underlying sense of insecurity. - Persistent rumination is often referred to as **repetitive thinking** that may be associated with **depressive symptoms**, such as low mood, hopelessness, and self-criticism. This does not mean that you have anxiety or depression just because you worry or ruminate. It means that when this thought style becomes dominant and long-lasting, the burden increases – which can affect mental health over time. ## Why the Brain Turns Thoughts into “Facts” Humans are well-equipped to worry. Not because we are weak, but because our brains are extremely good at imagining scenarios. We can create mental films about the future, and our bodies often react as though the film is reality. This is an important point: **Thoughts often feel true**, especially when accompanied by strong emotions. If you think, “I am going to fail,” your body may respond with stress, restlessness, and tension. Thus, the thought gains additional credibility: “I feel it in my body, so it must be true.” In cognitive psychology, it is common to view thoughts as interpretations – not as objective facts. But *knowing* this intellectually is not always enough. What matters is how you respond to the thoughts at the moment they arise. ## Metacognition: Your Attitude Towards Thinking Metacognition simply means “thoughts about thoughts.” It involves how you evaluate and regulate your thinking. Many of us have strong (and often unarticulated) assumptions that can keep worry and rumination going, such as: - “If I worry, I am prepared.” - “If I stop ruminating, I am not taking responsibility.” - “I need to figure this out before I can relax.” - “Thoughts are dangerous – I need to control them.” Such metacognitive assumptions can act as gasoline on the fire. They make you continue thinking even when it isn’t helpful. A more helpful metacognitive attitude is often something like: - “I can have this thought without following it.” - “Worry is a mental signal, not a directive.” - “I don’t need to solve everything in my head right now.” Developing such an attitude is not about becoming thoughtless, but about creating a new relationship with what happens in the mind. ## The Wear and Tear of Rumination: The Exhausting Nature of Duration It’s tempting to believe that the problem is *what* you think. Often, the issue is more about *how* you think, and for how long. This is where the glass-of-water metaphor hits home: A thought can be light at first but heavy over time. The persistent activation of alarm readiness (from worry) or self-critical analysis (from rumination) wears on the body. Many describe: - mental fatigue - sleep issues - irritability - concentration difficulties - a feeling of being “stuck” This is not necessarily because the thoughts are dangerous but because they occupy attention and physiological energy. The brain remains in a kind of perpetual “open case.” ## Thought Suppression: Why the Struggle Often Makes It Worse A common reaction to troublesome thoughts is to try not to think them. We attempt to push them away, distract ourselves, or force “positive” thoughts. The problem is that thought suppression often has the opposite effect. When you try to avoid a thought, you simultaneously have to monitor whether it is there. This monitoring keeps the thought active in the background. The result can be more intrusive thoughts and more frustration: “Why can’t I stop this?” This can develop into a secondary struggle: You not only have a difficult thought, but also self-criticism for having it – and shame for not “mastering” your mind. ## Letting Go: The Monkey, the Cage, and the Banana A metaphor I think illustrates this well is the story of a monkey stuck in a cage because it refuses to let go of a banana. The point is not that the monkey is dumb, but that its grip locks it in. In this way, the mind can also function. We cling to the thought because it feels important: - “I need to understand why this happened.” - “I need to be sure that it won’t happen again.” - “I need to gain control before I can move on.” But this very grip can keep us trapped. Letting go does not mean liking the thought, accepting injustice, or stopping caring. It means freeing attention from a process that no longer helps. ## Regret and Self-Contempt: The Need for Portion Control I have previously reflected on regret as a painful but human emotion: We look back and wish we had acted differently. Regret can be informative – it can point to values, moral compasses, and learning. But it can also become toxic when it spills over into persistent self-contempt. At that point, it’s no longer about “I did something stupid,” but about “I am stupid.” And in that transition, rumination can become a driver for depression-related processes. An important principle is therefore to *portion* this kind of inner pain. Not by pretending nothing is wrong, but by delimiting how much space it is allowed to take. Drowning in self-criticism rarely makes you wiser. It just makes you more exhausted. ## Strategies That Limit the Impact of Rumination The goal is not to eliminate worry and rumination completely. The objective is to prevent them from taking over – and to strengthen the ability to return to what truly matters. ### 1) Schedule “Thinking Time” – 15 Minutes a Day A concrete strategy is to set aside **15 minutes a day** for deliberate rumination or worry. It sounds almost comical, but it can be surprisingly effective. Here’s how the principle works: - When thoughts arise at the wrong time, notice them and say (to yourself): “I’ll take care of this during my thinking time.” - You might jot down keywords, so your brain doesn’t have to keep it actively present. - During those 15 minutes, let the thoughts come – but limit the duration. This simultaneously trains two skills: the ability to postpone repetitive thinking and the experience that you don’t need to follow the thought immediately. ### 2) Differentiate Reality-Based Thoughts from Spirals of Uncertainty Some thoughts point to real problems that can be addressed through action. Other thoughts draw you into hypothetical “what if” corridors with no end. A useful distinction can be: - **What can I actually do something about?** (concrete action, plan, conversation, clarification) - **What am I trying to achieve 100% certainty about?** (often impossible) Worry can be an attempt to produce guarantees in a world that offers none. Thus, training to tolerate uncertainty is often more effective than thinking your way to security. ### 3) Notice the Process, Not Just the Content The question is not only “What am I thinking?” but also: - “What happens to me when I think this way?” - “Does this help me – or drain me?” - “Is this problem-solving, or just repetition?” This way of observing the mind is a metacognitive skill. It creates a bit of distance, and in that distance, choices arise. ### 4) Allow the Thought to Be There Without Following It This is one of the most challenging but also most liberating skills: to let an unwanted thought exist in consciousness without making it a project. It may sound like passivity, but is often the opposite. You practice being present in life, even while the mind produces noise. An inner language that can help: - “There’s that thought again.” - “I don’t need to resolve it right now.” - “I can return to what I was doing.” ### 5) Remember the Difference Between You and Your Thoughts Finally: **You are not your thoughts.** You are the person who notices the thoughts. You are more than the sum of what crosses your mind on a stressed Tuesday or a sleepless night. Thoughts can be loud. They can be frightening. They can be persuasive. But they are still mental events – not orders, not prophecies, not judgments with final authority. ## A More Sustainable Way to Live with an Active Mind Worry and rumination often express that you care. You care about relationships, the future, health, safety, morality, choices. The problem is that the mind can try to carry the concern through endless thinking – and then the care becomes a burden. By working metacognitively, you can gradually change your relationship with your thoughts: less struggle, more distance, more flexibility. You can still plan, reflect, and learn – but without being sucked into a grind that never finishes. And perhaps that is precisely the core: Practicing living well, not because the mind is quiet, but because you gain a better ability to let the mental noise be there without it driving your entire day. --- **Want to Dive Deeper into This Topic?** This is a theme psychologist Sondre Risholm Liverød discusses further in the podcast episode of the same name. You can find the episode as part of the exercise material on [BeBalanced.ai](https://bebalanced.ai).