The Present Moment

# The Present Moment We humans have a remarkable ability to get caught up in our own thoughts and feelings. Many of us spend much of our lives preoccupied with what has been or what is to come, rather than actually living in the moment. Yet, there is a form of freedom in directing our attention to the present—the deep presence that can give us calm, clarity, and balance. This is about more than just pleasant breathing exercises or mindfulness techniques for managing everyday stress. It is an exploration of who we really are, and how our mental habits and deeply ingrained patterns can both limit us and hold the key to greater freedom. ## The Grip of the Ego: Trapped Between Past and Future The ego is a central theme both in psychology and in certain spiritual traditions. According to spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle, the ego comprises the sum of all the thoughts, feelings, labels, and expectations we have acquired throughout life. This includes both positive and negative experiences, criticism, praise, love, and the absence of it. The ego organizes all these impressions, creating a form of identity—a story of “me.” Tolle’s critical point is that this identity is often trapped in the past and in fear of the future. We repeat old patterns, notice what went wrong, and project our worries forward. Our thoughts pull us away from the only real reality we have access to: this present moment. One of the most illustrative anecdotes Tolle shares, which also has significant psychological depth, is the insight he gained when faced with his own bottomless despair. At one point, he said to himself, “I can’t live with myself.” This seemingly simple statement contained a profound split: Who is it that can’t live with whom? This opened up the realization that we are not necessarily identical with our thoughts and feelings, but can instead observe them. Rather than being a victim of our inner processes, we can adopt a kind of "witness position" and watch our ego without being completely identified with it. ## The Observer Within: A New Dimension of Self-Understanding This phenomenon is referred to in psychology as the observing self—a metacognitive ability to notice one’s own thoughts and feelings without necessarily being swept away by them. Countless psychologists have touched upon this, from Aaron Beck’s cognitive therapy to newer attention-based approaches like mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT). When we manage to adopt an observing, non-judgmental attitude towards ourselves, we gain access to a new form of freedom. Thoughts and feelings still arise, but we do not need to automatically react to them or believe they are the truth. We can instead regard them like clouds in the sky, passing by and constantly changing. Tolle puts it this way in his book _The Power of Now_: “I am not my thoughts, feelings, and experiences. I am not the content of my life. I am life. I am the space where everything happens. I am consciousness.” This is a simple yet fundamental change. Our identity gradually dissolves from rigid stories about who we are, making room for a broader, more spacious perspective on life. ## Automatic Patterns: How We Become Trapped Without Realizing It Ruminating and worrying are examples of how we often live so close to our own streams of thoughts and feelings that we believe they are the whole reality. We can get lost in automatic reactions, old reflections, and exhausting thought patterns without noticing that we can actually not only observe but also interpret and relate to them more flexibly. These automatic patterns have actually been described in psychology since Freud. Later, entire therapeutic schools such as cognitive behavioral therapy emerged to help us recognize and change how we think and act on autopilot. But there are also deeper levels of self-understanding, inspired by Eastern traditions and newer books like _The Power of Now_ by Eckhart Tolle, where the focus is on discovering an inner awareness that exists behind the thoughts—not to control everything, but to become familiar with what is—here and now. ## Experiences That Trigger the Ego: A Trip to Italy For many of us, deep patterns are triggered when things don’t go as planned. On a trip to Italy, I experienced how loss of control can easily intensify unpleasant feelings. Luggage went missing. The queues were endless. The feeling of losing sight and not being able to control the situation quickly led to irritation, anger, and inadequacy. In such moments, much energy is spent wishing everything were different—that I, other people, or the whole world should be different. This kind of thinking is a classic example of self-inflicted suffering. By not resting in the present, but instead expending energy on “fighting reality,” we quickly become more stressed, exhausted, and irritated. This is the core of how the ego operates. It always wants something to be different. ## The Ego’s Innate Sense of Lack Psychologically, the ego can be viewed as a kind of algorithm—a collection of thoughts, expectations, and automatic reactions carried forward from previous experiences and from our surroundings. This process is often marked by a deep sense of lack; a constant pursuit of something more, an escape from what is. Many of us chase achievement, status, perfection, or security, because the ego is never satisfied. Often, it is this feeling of inadequacy or “if only” thinking that creates restlessness and stress. At the same time, the ego also has evolutionary value: it has helped humans adapt, plan, and respond to external challenges. The problem arises when this mental machinery takes over at the expense of presence in the here and now, and we become identified with our worries, irritation, or longing. ## The Path to a Freer Relationship with Ourselves So how can we approach these patterns in a new way? Here are some principles and exercises inspired by both psychology and spiritual wisdom: ### 1. Observe Without Judgement Notice your own thoughts and feelings with an open and curious attitude. Don’t fight against or try to control them; instead, try to be an observer. It can help to say to yourself: “Here is a thought. Here is a feeling.” This creates a small space between you and your inner content. ### 2. Practice Mindful Presence Mindfulness and meditation are about resting in the present moment, often through the breath or sensory impressions. It is not necessarily easy or pleasant, but it provides an opportunity to rest in the now even while thoughts continue to pass by. Over time, this strengthens the experience of being present behind the thoughts. ### 3. Accept What Is Fighting reality is often the cause of much unnecessary pain. When we can accept the moment as it is—without imposing requirements for perfection—we discover greater calm. This does not mean passivity, but a deeper willingness to meet life from a place of acceptance rather than resistance. ### 4. Notice the Ego in Action Become aware of how the ego constantly seeks to protect, defend, or affirm its own value. This often appears as inner dialogues about how things could or should have been. When you recognize the ego’s voice, it gradually loses its power. ### 5. Invite Forgiveness and Kindness In Many carry self-critical thoughts and feelings of inadequacy. Meeting ourselves with kindness, as we would a good friend, gives us greater inner freedom and space for growth. This is emphasized by Tolle and also in developmental psychology traditions—not least in Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion. ## The Liberating Potential of the Present Moment Living in the present does not mean ignoring the past or the future, but it means no longer letting ourselves be completely controlled by them. Mindful presence, this balanced place between victim and observer, provides greater agency and calm. As we become more familiar with the present moment, rumination, worry, and self-critical thoughts automatically decrease. This opens up a space for joy, connection, and self-understanding. _In conclusion:_ It is challenging work to loosen the hold the ego has on us. Yet, small glimpses of deeper presence can be the start of a larger change. Through exploring this note—through observation, presence, and kindness towards ourselves—we can rediscover life just as it unfolds—here and now. --- **Would you like to explore this topic further?** This is a topic psychologist Sondre Risholm Liverød discusses further in the podcast episode of the same name. You can find the episode as part of the exercise material at [BeBalanced.ai](https://bebalanced.ai).