Psyche & Soma

# Psyche & Soma The relationship between mind and body is not a poetic image or an "alternative" idea. It is a practical reality we live in every day. Thoughts, feelings and relationships leave traces in the body — and the body influences how we think, feel and act. When we talk about health, it is therefore too narrow to split ourselves in two: a body that needs fixing and a mind that must "pull itself together." I will explore how stress, loneliness and the ways we handle — or fail to handle — emotions like anger can contribute to physical illness. A central backdrop is the work of physician Gabor Maté, especially the book *"When the Body Says No"*, in which he examines how long-term burdens and emotional suppression may be linked to the development and worsening of serious diseases. This is not about blaming the patient, nor about reducing everything to psychology. It's about seeing health as holistic: psyche and soma as two sides of the same coin. ## Experience is not always the truth — it is often filtered Many of us walk around with an inner commentator that interprets the world through past experiences, vulnerabilities and defense mechanisms. That means thoughts and feelings are not always precise descriptions of reality, but often reactions colored by stress and neurotic patterns. By "neurotic patterns" I don't mean something dramatic or stigmatizing, but the common human tendencies to: - read danger into ambiguous situations - overinterpret rejection - try to control the uncontrollable - suppress our own needs to avoid conflict When such patterns dominate over time, they create an inner climate of persistent alarm. The body is not designed to remain on high alert continuously. The stress response is useful in short bursts — but can become destructive when it becomes a lifestyle. ## Stress as a health risk — more than a "feeling" Stress is not just a subjective experience. It is a physiological state that affects hormones, the immune system, inflammation, sleep, appetite, digestion and heart rate. Over time, chronic stress can contribute to the development and progression of disease. One of the most striking points in public health research is how strongly workload and job-related stress can be linked to heart disease. Many assume heart disease is mainly caused by high blood pressure, high cholesterol and smoking. These factors are important — but it is easy to overlook that work strain can be one of the biggest risk factors, and can also contribute to elevated blood pressure and unfavorable cholesterol levels. In other words: what we often call "lifestyle" is not just food, exercise and tobacco. Lifestyle is also pace, demands, responsibility, belonging, meaning — and how we relate to our own limits. ## Loneliness: the quiet burden Loneliness is not just sadness. Loneliness is also a biological burden. Humans are social animals, and our bodies evolved in groups, families and mutual dependence. When we lack secure attachment and a sense of social support, the stress system becomes more vulnerable. Loneliness is a clear driver in cardiovascular disease. It's partly because we get fewer regulatory experiences (someone to share with, someone who can calm us), and partly because we are more likely to fall into rumination, self-criticism and isolation — which in turn amplify physiological stress. ## Anger and health: both outbursts and suppression can cost you Anger is a basic emotion. It is the body's way of signaling that a boundary has been crossed, that something is unfair, or that we need to protect ourselves. The problem is rarely that we feel anger, but how we handle it. We can roughly distinguish between two unhelpful patterns: 1. **Explosive anger**: outbursts, aggression, fighting, controlling behavior. 2. **Suppressed anger**: swallowing it, smiling, "being the adult," and letting the body pay the price. Both patterns can tax health. Outbursts can drive conflicts, isolation and persistent activation. Suppression can create a quieter, but chronic inner tension — where the body is simultaneously on the "brake" and the "gas." Suppressed aggression can also be linked to heart health. It's not because anger "gives you disease" in a magical way, but because emotional inhibition over time can be associated with persistent sympathetic activation, high stress levels and reduced recovery. ## Critique of mind–body dualism For many years medical thinking has been strongly influenced by a dualistic idea: that the inner life of the mind and the body's biological processes are two separate domains. This has had some advantages — specialization, precision, targeted treatments — but it also has a cost: we risk overlooking the interaction between emotions, relationships, life conditions and physiology. When we split the person into "psychological" and "somatic," we can end up with two parallel tracks: - The person with physical symptoms is investigated biologically — and if no clear findings are found, they may feel dismissed. - The person with psychological complaints may get help with thoughts and feelings — but without the body and life situation being integrated into the understanding. Gabor Maté challenges this clearly in *"When the Body Says No"*. He argues that mind–body dualism is misleading because it fails to capture the obvious connection between life burdens, stress regulation and physical illness. This is not an invitation to simplify disease to "it's all in the head." It is an invitation to take the body seriously as part of the psyche — and the psyche seriously as part of the body. ## Psychoneuroimmunology: the field that ties the threads together A central area that illuminates the connection between psyche and soma is **psychoneuroimmunology**. This field studies how psychological states (feelings, stress, perceived safety), the nervous system and the immune system affect each other. The point is simple, but profound: - Stress affects the nervous system. - The nervous system affects hormonal balance and inflammation. - This affects the immune system and vulnerability to illness. There are numerous studies showing that everyday burdens can influence immune function. One illustrative finding is that medical students can show suppressed immune responses during periods of high pressure, such as before final exams. And among students, the loneliest often show the largest negative impact. This makes intuitive sense: loneliness means less social regulation, more inner stress — and thus higher physiological load. ## "Nice people" and the cost of not being a bother A theme that often resonates is the link between personality traits and illness. Many people learn early that love and safety are conditional: you get belonging if you are easy to be with, competent, helpful, adaptable — and don't cause trouble. This can produce a "nice" style that looks admirable from the outside: - high sense of duty - great care for others - few demands - lots of responsibility But on the inside it can cost: - suppression of needs - shame tied to anger - difficulty saying no - fear of conflict Maté describes how emotional suppression and over-adaptation can be a pattern in people who later develop serious illnesses. He mentions conditions such as ALS and MS in discussions about possible links between stress, emotional inhibition and immunological vulnerability. It is crucial to formulate this nuance: no one "gets" ALS or MS because they are nice, and there is no simple causal chain. But it may be relevant to explore how chronic stress, suppressed emotions and long-term inner pressure affect the body's regulatory systems. ## Patient stories and the clinical gaze In clinical work I often see the body "speak" when the psyche has no room. It can appear as: - diffuse pain - digestive problems - palpitations - fatigue - autoimmune flares - sleep problems Some have become very good at functioning. They deliver at work, show up for others, take responsibility. At the same time they may not have a language for their own limits. They don't recognize early bodily signals — or they have learned to ignore them. Over time this can become a relationship with the body characterized by struggle: the body becomes an obstacle, an enemy, something that must be "fixed." But another perspective is that the body is trying to cooperate — by sending clear messages when we can no longer tolerate living at odds with our own needs. ## Authentic emotional life as a health factor The opposite of suppression is not outburst. The opposite is **authenticity**: being able to feel, tolerate and express emotions in a regulated and clear way. Authentic emotional expression can mean: - naming irritation before it becomes bitterness - saying no before the body collapses - grieving when there is sorrow, instead of performing through it - asking for support before loneliness becomes a way of life These are not just "soft" skills. They are regulation skills that affect stress levels, relationships and recovery. ## The balance between self-assertion and adaptation Many people do not need to become more adaptable. They need to become more self-assertive. Self-assertion is not about dominating, winning or being difficult. It's about: - taking your own value seriously - communicating needs without shame - tolerating that others may be disappointed - staying in conflict without losing yourself Adaptation is also important — we cannot live without consideration. But when adaptation becomes a survival strategy, and self-assertion feels dangerous, the body can become the place where the conflict plays out. A useful reflective question is: - **Do I live a life where I often have to leave myself to keep belonging?** If the answer is often yes, it is not surprising that the stress system never gets a full break. ## Being curious about your own patterns Curiosity is a gentle but powerful tool. Instead of judging ourselves for being "too sensitive," "too angry" or "too nice," we can explore: - What did I learn about anger growing up? - Which emotions are safe for me to show? - When in my life does my voice disappear? - What happens in my body when I say yes but mean no? Such exploration can give a new kind of responsibility: not guilt, but ownership. We take responsibility for our health by taking responsibility for how we live — and for what we allow the body to carry alone. ## A holistic view in encounters with illness A holistic understanding of health does not mean rejecting biology, medication or specialist healthcare. It means adding a layer of meaning and context: - What has my life been like? - What am I carrying? - Which relationships regulate me — and which drain me? - Where in my life am I in sustained alarm? Maté's project in *"When the Body Says No"* can be read as an invitation to listen more precisely: not just to the symptom, but to the context in which the symptom arises. ## Closing reflection Psyche and soma are inextricably linked. Stress, loneliness and emotional suppression can affect the body in ways that are measurable, clinically relevant and in some cases serious. At the same time this is an area that requires nuance: we must avoid turning health into a moral project where illness is seen as proof of "living wrongly." People become ill for many reasons, and no one deserves illness. But we can take seriously that the way we live — especially how we relate to our own boundaries and emotions — can be part of the health equation. Practicing authentic emotional life, good self-assertion and secure attachment is not just psychological self-development. For many it is also bodily prevention. Maybe we can see the body as a loyal companion: it signals when we carry too much, for too long, alone. And when we learn to listen, we get a chance to create a better balance — between demands and rest, between adaptation and self-assertion, between being strong for others and being true to ourselves. --- **Want to dive deeper into this topic?** This is a topic psychologist Sondre Risholm Liverød talks more about in the podcast episode of the same name. You can find the episode as part of the practice materials at [BeBalanced.ai](https://bebalanced.ai).