Stand Up and Clean Up!

# Stand Up and Clean Up! Developing as a human being is a journey through many layers, where we must relate to both our outer and inner lives. We are shaped by evolution, the body, biology, attachment, the society we live in, the culture surrounding us, and not least, our most private thoughts and feelings. There is no simple recipe for becoming a whole and meaningful person, but through decades of research and therapeutic experience, we have gained some maps to navigate by. One of the most impactful maps consists of four processes: cleaning up, waking up, growing up, and showing up. Each represents a unique but related way to approach personal growth – and together, they form a holistic picture of self-development. ## Four Doors to Development Let’s first acknowledge how complex we really are. Many believe that exercising more, eating healthier, or going to therapy in isolation will be enough for lasting change. Reality is rarely that simple. Developing as a person means working in several rooms at once: physically, mentally, emotionally, and relationally. The four perspectives—clean up, wake up, grow up, and show up—are about taking seriously the entirety of what it means to be human. Let’s take a closer look at these key processes: ### Cleaning Up – Handling Our Shadows We all carry sides of ourselves we would rather not acknowledge. Maybe we’ve experienced that certain feelings are forbidden—anger, jealousy, helplessness, or envy. In our attempts to avoid or suppress this emotional discomfort, we push parts of ourselves away. These become what psychologist Carl Gustav Jung called "the shadow"—the unconscious material we repress from our own identity. Nevertheless, this content does not vanish but instead lives on, influencing the psyche in subtle and sometimes very intrusive ways. The content of the shadow can manifest as psychological symptoms; it may haunt us in dreams, be projected onto other people, or take control in vulnerable moments. In the history of Western psychotherapy, it’s only in the last century or so—with significant figures like Sigmund Freud and Carl Gustav Jung—that we’ve begun to thematize and work therapeutically with this hidden material. Cleaning up is about facing, examining, and integrating what we have tried to push away. This might involve working with our feelings in therapy, challenging beliefs about who we are (and should be), and daring to stand in the uncomfortable—for instance, confronting our vulnerability or aggression. In the book "Människans psykologi," the authors discuss how such processes not only give us freedom from our own unconscious patterns, but also lay the groundwork for greater authenticity, presence, and vitality in meeting life. Take anger as an example: In some cultures, it is unacceptable to show anger, and people learn early to suppress it. Over time, we lose contact with the power contained in anger, and it may then emerge as anxiety, passivity, or the feeling of being steamrolled. Cleaning up thus also means reclaiming ownership of our own feelings and impulses and using them constructively instead of letting them rule from the shadows. ### Waking Up – Awareness of Awareness At the same time, it’s important to understand that we are not just the sum of our thoughts and feelings. Eastern traditions like Buddhism and Zen emphasize the possibility of stepping out of the automatic mind games and adopting an observer’s perspective. Mindfulness and meditation are central practices here, and through training, we can experience ourselves as something more than just the thoughts flashing through our heads. It's a liberating insight to notice that thoughts and feelings come and go, without us needing to identify with them. As the philosopher Eckhart Tolle, known for his book "The Power of Now," says, it’s about coming closer to the core of being by waking up to the fact that we are NOT our thoughts—we can observe them with calm and presence. Growing research indicates that such consciousness practices not only improve mental health but also provide deeper insight into who we are and how we actually want to live. Waking up is, in a sense, letting go of identification with mental narratives, and instead discovering the space we all have within us: presence, stillness, and clarity. ### Growing Up – Maturity and Responsibility Personal development also involves maturing. While cleaning up and waking up provide us with tools and insights for internal processes, “growing up” focuses on how we relate to responsibility, relationships, and structure in life. Growing up means taking ownership not only of our inner life, but also of our actions and our place in the community. Psychologist Robert Kegan has explored such developmental processes in adulthood and asserts in his book "The Evolving Self" that personal growth is often connected to the ability to handle increasing complexity—in ourselves, in our relationships, and in the social roles we step into. This is about more than filling life with outward success or achievement; it’s about meeting life’s demands with maturity, flexibility, and the ability to stand firm even when the world gets tough. Growing up means taking in that freedom always comes with responsibility. It’s about navigating between our own needs and the expectations of others in ways that promote both personal growth and the common good. Such maturing touches everything from self-regulation to handling disagreement and conflict—and, not least, to setting healthy boundaries for oneself and others. This is where most discover that everything is connected, and that inner cleaning work plus lots of awareness provide a stronger foundation for building secure and authentic relationships. ### Showing Up – Presence in Your Own Life A final, but equally crucial, element in self-development is the ability to actually show up. It may sound obvious, but in a hectic and fragmented age, presence, engagement, and closeness are often in short supply. Showing up is about being authentic and present in your own life—not just wrapped up in your own thoughts, but in contact with the world around you. Here, we can draw inspiration from existential psychology, conveyed for example by Viktor Frankl in his book "Man's Search for Meaning." Frankl describes how, regardless of the situation, a person has the ability to choose their attitude and give life meaning. It is not always about grand deeds, but about participating in everyday life with presence, engagement, love, and courage. Even the small moments take on greater value when we engage fully. Showing up also means daring to be vulnerable and actually being there for ourselves and others—even when it feels uncomfortable. In the therapy room, I often see just how crucial this is: In order to change old habits and grow, we must be willing to participate in life. That means taking initiative, having honest conversations, and, above all, meeting both joys and challenges with open eyes. ## Holistic Development Brings Balance These four processes—cleaning up, waking up, growing up, and showing up—intertwine and give us a more complete map of what true personal development is about. For some, one part will be more prominent than others at times, but for most, the journey is about balancing all these rooms. Here, we also see how different psychological traditions contribute unique key points: Freud and psychoanalysis with their focus on the shadow, Eastern paths and mindfulness emphasizing awareness, developmental psychology with its phases of maturity, and existential psychology with its search for meaning and presence. By working on several levels at the same time, we strengthen our inner resources and ability to stand steady when life challenges us. It can be demanding not to reduce self-development to simple ten-point lists or slogans. But the slow process of cleaning up old patterns, waking up to a deeper awareness, growing up to take responsibility, and showing up with presence gives us not just more energy and balance—it also makes us more whole, more honest, and more alive. ### The Road Ahead – Toward a More Integrated Sense of Self As a psychologist, I have seen how people who combine these approaches over time not only experience better mental health but also greater meaning in life. Cleaning up frees energy and courage, awakening brings freedom, maturity gives strength to handle life's many demands, and showing up brings depth and solidity to relationships. The journey is not always easy or pleasant, but there are few journeys that are more meaningful or necessary. To "stand up and clean up," in the sense of taking responsibility for your whole life—both the visible and the hidden—is the very foundation for growth and inner freedom. So next time you feel uneasy, resistant, or a trace of shame, see it as an invitation to take action: Go into your shadows, challenge your identifications, grow through maturity, and show up—not just for yourself, but for the world around you. Then we all move, step by step, in the direction of a more balanced, authentic, and meaningful life. --- **Want to dive deeper into this topic?** This is a topic psychologist Sondre Risholm Liverød discusses further in the podcast episode of the same name. You can find the episode as part of the practice materials at [BeBalanced.ai](https://bebalanced.ai).