Thirteen Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

# Thirteen Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do Mental strength isn’t something you either have or don’t have—it’s something built over time through conscious choices, healthy habits, and the ability to handle life’s challenges without falling into the most common mental traps. I’ve always been fascinated by this topic, and the American psychotherapist Amy Morin has provided a solid checklist for what it really means to be mentally strong. In her book *13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do*, we get insight into thought patterns and behaviors that actually weaken us—and how we can tackle them. Morin wrote her list while facing her own life crisis: she lost both her mother and husband, and soon after learned that her new father-in-law was seriously ill. During this period, she became her own case study: How does one really live with adversity, grief, and unpredictability? For her, the answer became a concrete list of things it’s wise to stop doing. This list has since helped millions of people around the world—and continues to offer valuable lessons for us all. The following 13 “don’t-do” habits form a mental toolbox we can all benefit from, whether life is going well or poorly. Each point highlights an unhelpful pattern of thinking and how we can gradually replace it with more useful attitudes and actions. ## 1. Don’t Feel Sorry for Themselves It’s human to feel affected when life hits hard. Still, it’s easy to get stuck in a victim mentality, where self-pity takes over. This drains us of energy, reduces creative problem-solving, and makes us dependent on others’ sympathy instead of developing our own confidence. Mentally strong people allow themselves to feel sorrow, but don’t use hardship as a reason to stagnate. Instead, they actively take steps to influence what they can control and don’t let setbacks define who they are. ## 2. Don’t Give Away Their Power The feeling of powerlessness can be paralyzing. Sometimes we give up control over our own lives, for example by letting others dictate our choices, emotions, or self-image. Taking back this power means standing up for oneself, setting boundaries, and understanding that others can’t “make us” feel anything—that responsibility lies with us. This draws on principles from cognitive behavioral therapy, where we learn to take responsibility for our own reactions and recognize where we actually have influence. ## 3. Don’t Worry About Things They Can’t Control One of our most draining habits as human beings is dwelling on things outside our control. Mentally strong people recognize the difference between what they can affect and what is out of their reach. Many find it useful to use an inner filter: Is this something I can do something about or not? They invest their energy where it matters, and let the rest go. ## 4. Don’t Fear Necessary Change Change is scary, but rarely as dangerous as we think. Many will do anything to avoid new or unfamiliar situations—and thus stay stuck in old patterns. Mentally strong individuals practice meeting new challenges with curiosity rather than anxiety. Instead of limiting themselves out of fear, they see change as an opportunity for growth and development. This mindset is similar to what’s found in resilience research, where the ability to adapt is crucial for good mental health. ## 5. Don’t Waste Time Pleasing Everyone The desire to be liked—and the fear of rejection—can make us people-pleasers. But always prioritizing others’ needs over our own boundaries leaves us burned out and less authentic. Mentally strong people are able to say no when it’s needed, even if it causes temporary discomfort. ## 6. Don’t Fear Calculated Risks Some avoid any risk, always seeking safety. Others jump into everything without thinking. The key is finding the balance to take thoughtful, calculated risks. It’s about weighing the pros and cons and trusting your own judgment. Amy Morin notes that mentally strong people assess risk neutrally—they’re not paralyzed by fear, but also don’t dive in blindly. ## 7. Don’t Dwell on the Past We all carry a story, but some let past failures or old wounds hold them back from living in the present. Mentally strong people acknowledge the past but don’t let it define them. They use their experiences as lessons—never as an excuse not to try again. ## 8. Don’t Repeat Past Mistakes Endlessly Everyone makes mistakes, but the learning stops if we don’t reflect inwardly and see why things went wrong. Many have a tendency to repeat old patterns because they neither reflect on nor take ownership of their errors. A robust mindset means daring to see your own weaknesses, learning from them, and trying new strategies—not least, forgiving yourself. ## 9. Don’t Envy Other People’s Success Many compare themselves to others more than they realize. But envy and bitterness rarely motivate us to do better—usually the opposite. Mentally strong people can genuinely celebrate others’ successes, drawing inspiration rather than fueling negative comparisons. This frees up energy to focus on their own development. ## 10. Don’t Give Up After the First Setback Adversity is inevitable—and many give up too early when faced with a tough challenge. An essential “muscle” of mental strength is perseverance: tolerating setbacks, failures, and pain, yet still holding onto your goal. This is similar to what Angela Duckworth calls “grit”: a mix of perseverance and passion over time. Morin points out that this trait often separates those who succeed from those who stay still. ## 11. Don’t Expect Immediate Results We live in times accustomed to quick fixes and constant rewards. But lasting change and mastery require patience. Mentally strong people understand the value of working toward long-term goals and aren’t discouraged when results don’t appear right away. They know that good things rarely happen overnight. ## 12. Don’t Fear Being Alone Many struggle to be alone with their own thoughts, seeking constant stimulation or company. The ability to enjoy your own company is a crucial part of emotional resilience. It gives us the chance to reflect, recharge, and strengthen our connection with ourselves. Handling feelings of loneliness without panic or distress makes us more resistant to life’s ups and downs. ## 13. Don’t Believe They "Deserve" Something A classic trap is thinking you’re entitled to rewards just because you’ve tried hard, suffered, or waited long enough. This only sparks frustration and disappointment. Instead, mentally strong people focus on what they can build, do, or contribute—not on what they “deserve” to get. They assume responsibility and invest in what they want instead of waiting for the world to meet their expectations. --- ## An Ingrained Growth Mindset Throughout these points, we see how mental strength is largely about recognizing where our responsibility starts and ends. It’s about the ability to regulate emotions, think flexibly, learn from mistakes—and knowing when to let go of control. Morin draws on both research-based theories within cognitive therapy, positive psychology, and everyday examples to illustrate how we can cultivate these skills. Although much of this advice may seem obvious, most people discover they periodically relapse into old habits: dwelling on the past, comparing themselves to others, avoiding risk, or losing faith in themselves when adversity arises. The challenge isn’t understanding these points, but living them out over time—especially when life gets hard. ## Psychological Insight and the Road Ahead It’s okay to recognize yourself in several of the traps Morin describes. The point of the list isn’t to induce guilt or shame but to provide us with a mental map: Where could I practice thinking and acting differently? Which patterns drain my energy or stand in the way of a rich, meaningful life? If you’re looking to build your mental resilience, I recommend using this list as a tool: Observe yourself with curiosity and kindness, and pick out one or two areas that resonate with you. Start small, and remember that change is a process—not a project with a deadline. We all have the potential to build a robust mind. While no one becomes mentally strong overnight, small changes in daily life eventually yield great results. Amy Morin’s book, along with insights from resilience research, cognitive therapy, and personal experience, serves as a compass for anyone wanting to face life’s highs and lows with strength, flexibility, and warmth—both towards themselves and others. --- **Want to dive deeper into this topic?** This is a subject psychologist Sondre Risholm Liverød explores further in the podcast episode of the same name. You’ll find the episode as part of the exercises at [BeBalanced.ai](https://bebalanced.ai).